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How do you wipe your ass?

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by EatonTJ, 26 January 2006.

In what position do you wipe your ass?

  1. Standing up, post dump.

    57.7%
  2. Still sitting on the pooper.

    42.3%
  1. EatonTJ

    EatonTJ Why Today Doesn't Suck. Staff

    11 April 2002
    Back in 2k4, I was made fun of by my buddy and the wife because I revealed that I *shockingly* wipe my ass standing up after taking the Browns to the SuperBowl.

    Much to my dismay, I was informed that nobody stands up to wipe off and that anybody who's anybody wipes while still sitting on the toilet. I took (and still take) great exception to this because it was my understanding that it is perfectly reasonable to wipe off my derriere it an upright position. So I ran a poll, and if memory serves, it was pretty much dead even between standers and sitters.

    Now for round 2...

    Oh and for those of you who don't think there could be any educational value in all of this, last time Ghazi posted that it is proper to wet the paper before wiping in order to read get the turds out of the ass area. I have followed his mandate to this day, and my ass is much happier.
     
  2. RuneEdge

    RuneEdge Silent Assassin

    1 October 2003
    Turn around, I'm right behind you...
    Manchester United
    I remember this being discussed on the Frank and Skinner Show. Of course it was more of a joke than a proper poll or anything.
    And yeah, that only other guy to vote so far is me...
     
  3. Dar

    Dar Fullonrapist Staff

    21 February 2003
    Dublin
    Standing Up?!?!?!

    What about danglers? You mash them in. :shock:

    I thought this poll was going to be a simple wipe upwards or downwards one, this is far more interesting. :D
     
  4. Milanista

    Milanista Mangiamoli! Staff

    19 December 2002
    London & Milan
    AC Milan
    I remember this thread in the offtopic forum. Was an issue that caused sleepless nights due to heavy debating.
     
  5. EatonTJ

    EatonTJ Why Today Doesn't Suck. Staff

    11 April 2002

    This actually reminds me of something else that my wife told me. It appears, that if you have a vagina, you MUST wipe from front to back. Because if you wipe back to front, there is a possibility of a vaginal infection from ass bacteria.

    Fucking sweet.
     
  6. Milanista

    Milanista Mangiamoli! Staff

    19 December 2002
    London & Milan
    AC Milan
    It feels awkward wiping while sitting. And its more uncomfortable as you have to bend down slightly more.
     
  7. Dar

    Dar Fullonrapist Staff

    21 February 2003
    Dublin
    Bend over more?

    Maybe my mental image (shudder) is not quite right, but you're saying that its more awkward to wipe when sitting down, starfish gaping, than it is when you're standing upright with arse cheeks that'll clearly be in the way a lot more?

    This standing up lark sounds like a lot of work and far more awkward.
     
  8. EatonTJ

    EatonTJ Why Today Doesn't Suck. Staff

    11 April 2002
    Okay, so I just did some field work and tried a wipe while sitting. I didn't really bend, more of a lean to a side... is that proper sitting technique?

    Cause I was really concerned about touching the dukey water, somehow my arm is supposed to fit around/under my ass and wipe without touching the water? Seems overly precarious.
     
  9. Dar

    Dar Fullonrapist Staff

    21 February 2003
    Dublin
    I'm not sure how those Canadian cisterns and bowls are, but here in good ole Potato nation we have ample clearance between seat and water. I could fit 4 arms back there if I had to.
     
  10. EatonTJ

    EatonTJ Why Today Doesn't Suck. Staff

    11 April 2002

    Well, from an engineering standpoint, I think there is room in my poopery as well. Perhaps I was doing the sit-and-wipe incorrectly.

    Do I lean forward? Or lean to the side?
     
  11. babs

    babs Guest

    Sideways, every time.

    It makes manoeuvering the used paper into a 'position to look for corn' that much easier.
     
  12. EatonTJ

    EatonTJ Why Today Doesn't Suck. Staff

    11 April 2002
    When havesting corn, its easiest to use a mirror... well, in my experience. So standing up helps.
     
  13. fd1972uk

    fd1972uk ---------------------

    9 January 2002
    Glasgow
    Celtic
    I always stand. Seems far too awkward to sit down.


    FD
     
  14. foxtrot

    foxtrot Shoe bomber

    24 December 2002
    Glasgow, Scotland
    Rangers FC
    I never even knew people stood up to wipe until today. That's just... wrong! Dar is right, standing up will mash any dangleberries.

    Sitting down but just leaning to one side is the best way.
     
  15. danwin

    danwin Oak Hard

    1 December 2003
    I like to drop on all fours and attack the problem from below.
     
  16. Chris Davies

    Chris Davies At least, I think I am Staff

    14 May 2003
    Tranmere Rovers
    I had no idea that people stood up to wipe until today.

    Edit: Haha!! I've just seen Foxtrot's post. Wow. I guess we need to get out more. Or have less weird forums to visit.
     
  17. Dominic

    Dominic Serie A Staff

    19 August 2003
    Netherlands
    Definately standing up, can't even imagine doing it while sitting down. Sitting down, that'd be like grabbing your turdrests out, instead of cleanly wiping it off. Standing up is much more sophisticated.
     
  18. EatonTJ

    EatonTJ Why Today Doesn't Suck. Staff

    11 April 2002

    I agree, when standing I can really get at the turds. Plus, then I can walk to the sink and wet the toilet paper a bit to really get a good wipe down.
     
  19. Milanista

    Milanista Mangiamoli! Staff

    19 December 2002
    London & Milan
    AC Milan
    Exactly what EatonTJ and Don said. You're less flexible while sitting down.
     
  20. Joe

    Joe International

    9 August 2004
    Well I dont know about you Guys, but i like to see what ive wiped (i know strange but true :oops: )

    so thats why i wipe standing up, because sitting down must be awkward, because if you do what i do surely thats quite difficult, i mean there could be contact on the leg here :shock: and we dont want that.


    ps, please some body save my embarissment and say they look too [-o<
     
  21. Milanista

    Milanista Mangiamoli! Staff

    19 December 2002
    London & Milan
    AC Milan
    I look at the used tissue to see how much there is left to wipe.
     
  22. fd1972uk

    fd1972uk ---------------------

    9 January 2002
    Glasgow
    Celtic
    :mrgreen: LOL..........this is fabulous, a slight return to the old days of Evo-Web.

    What's the betting a gang of us standers will be trying a sit-down wipe now. :lmao:


    FD
     
  23. EatonTJ

    EatonTJ Why Today Doesn't Suck. Staff

    11 April 2002
    Again, I agree. How the hell are you supposed to know what's left to wipe without looking at it?

    Does anyone not look?
     
  24. Joe

    Joe International

    9 August 2004
    phew IM NOT ALONE,!!

    *goes off to wipe arse sitting down*
     
  25. Milanista

    Milanista Mangiamoli! Staff

    19 December 2002
    London & Milan
    AC Milan
    The only time i'd ever sit down to clean my ass is on a bidet. When I lived in Canada, they were pretty rare. Theyre all over Europe.
     
  26. fd1972uk

    fd1972uk ---------------------

    9 January 2002
    Glasgow
    Celtic
    [​IMG]


    So, now I know what I've been doing wrong all them years.


    FD
     
  27. JayM

    JayM International

    17 April 2004
    North Yorkshire
    Celtic
    I was pretty shocked when I found out some people wipe standing up, same type of topic was posted on IGN's The Vesitbule awhile ago.

    I tried it, didn't seem to work too well.
     
  28. Dominic

    Dominic Serie A Staff

    19 August 2003
    Netherlands
    I agree with both Milanista and Eaton on the last point as well, I look at the used tissue.

    So what kind of motion do you guys use, to wipe your arses clean?
    For example Downwards or upwards, long deep wipes, circular wiping or more of a short fast scratching motion etc.?
     
  29. JayM

    JayM International

    17 April 2004
    North Yorkshire
    Celtic
    I look too.

    Downwards, a cross between long deep wipes/short fast scratching motion. :|

    This discussion gets more and more intresting. :p
     
    Last edited: 28 January 2006
  30. Milanista

    Milanista Mangiamoli! Staff

    19 December 2002
    London & Milan
    AC Milan
    I wipe upwards, who wipes downwards? If i see after the first swipe that therse quite alot to wipe, I do pretty long deep ones to capture more of the shit. The best shits are the ones that leave no stains at all.
     

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