foxtrot
Shoe bomber
JayM... see a doctor :shock:
How do you wipe your ass?
- Thread starter EatonTJ
- Start date
Revan
out the window
:mrgreen:
Sitting down, but when younger I did stand up most of the times. But then again I lived somewhere else! :mrgreen:
Here's a tip. To prevent water splash damage from incoming rocket poops throw some paper before shitting. :mrgreen:
This thread is awesome. Haven't laughed so much in evo-web in quite a while! :lmao:
Sitting down, but when younger I did stand up most of the times. But then again I lived somewhere else! :mrgreen:
Here's a tip. To prevent water splash damage from incoming rocket poops throw some paper before shitting. :mrgreen:
This thread is awesome. Haven't laughed so much in evo-web in quite a while! :lmao:
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foxtrot
Shoe bomber
The toilets in Holland are a good laugh. It's not like ours where you plop your crap straight into the water.
There is a higher platform at the back of the pan, with a small bowl shape which you shit onto. The water is lower down, at the front of the pan.
After you've shat, you can stand up and admire your work before flushing. Flushing involves the water skidding your shite across this higher platform, over the edge and into the water below.
Great fun.
There is a higher platform at the back of the pan, with a small bowl shape which you shit onto. The water is lower down, at the front of the pan.
After you've shat, you can stand up and admire your work before flushing. Flushing involves the water skidding your shite across this higher platform, over the edge and into the water below.
Great fun.
Stringer Bell
Banned
- 12 February 2005
danwin
Oak Hard
- 1 December 2003
Anyone ever used wet wipes as a secondary cleansing device? They're incredible, you think your arse is clean, then you unleash the wet wipes and find a whole new level of the brown sticky stuff.
Stringer Bell
Banned
- 12 February 2005
- Staff
- #68
Some say he has no keyboard. Others say the only language he knows is clicks and sounds that you can't describe with letters. Few can even be heard saying he knows the exact date and time the world is going to end, and is too scared to speak for the rest of his life in fear of "them".
All that I know is that they call him, Stringer Bell.
All that I know is that they call him, Stringer Bell.
Stringer Bell
Banned
- 12 February 2005
RuneEdge
Silent Assassin
- 1 October 2003
- Manchester United
Is it wrong to have completely understood what was what in that pic before JayM pointed everything out?JayM said:
I'm surprised you couldn't tell from the first pic, it's like a photo. 8)
Milanista
Mangiamoli!
wtf you freak
Revan
out the window
Looks like we us sitting dudes are winning.
Resistance is futile! :mrgreen:
Resistance is futile! :mrgreen:
I think you sitters are just insecure of your asses!! Us Standers have complete faith that our ass is communicating perfectly well with our brain and saying 'Job Done', but I think you sitters are having problems with communication and saying 'Hold on there might be a bit more'.
FD
FD
JayM
International
You're right, maybe I am insecure.. but it's working well for me.
- Thread starter
- #76
EatonTJ
Why Today Doesn't Suck.
- 11 April 2002
Okay, so I have done an experiment on pooping. Inspired by finding new and exciting porno webistes to puruse while my wife was out of town this week, I decided to experiment with new pooping positions while on the john.
Options are pretty limited but here goes:
1. Riding "Missionary" - this is not akin to the sexual position, but I will define the "Missionary" position in terms of pooping to sitting on the toilet, back against the upperdecker tank, feet on the floor pointing straight away from the toilet... Essentially, sitting on the toilet as you would sitting in a dining chair.
2. Riding "Sidesaddle" - this sitting with both legs on the same side of the toiliet. 90 Degrees right or left of the "Missionary" position.
3. "Doggystyle" - When situations warrant no contact with the toilet seat and one is forced to hover over the pooper, this is the "Doggystyle" position. Essentially, one is pooping in a dog style squat raised from the "Missionary" position.
4. "Knee Trembler" - Taking the "Doggystyle" position one further, this is a full out poop drop from a standing position. Called the "Knee Trembler" due to physical stamina required for a long term dookey session. Could also be referred to as "Little Boy" or "Fat Man" in reference to the two Atomic bombs dropped in WWII because of the near certainty or a catastrophic shit stain outcome.
5. Riding "Reverse Cowgirl" or "Reverse Amazon" - this is sitting reverse "Missionary" facing the upperdecker tank.
When left to my own devices throughout the week as my wife was out of town, I experimented with all these pooping positions. My results were simply astonishing. I went through each poop position performing both a standing wipe and a sitting wipe, here are my reviews of each position:
1. "Missionary":
A classic pose, good over all comfort. I found wiping while sitting annoying, but the good ole stand wipe was just fine. Sit-Wiping required a lot of shifting, and required me to roll the paper around my hand in order to not have paper touch the dookey water while wiping. I prefer folding a long section of paper over, then wiping running the paper up the ass... clearly a stand-wipe only move.
However, the comfort while sitting was excellent, although sometimes penis positioning (especially if performing a piss and poop)can be suspect. If sitting too far up on the toiliet, its possible to piss in between the lid and the bowl, getting the floor full of urine in the process. Then you've got a real junkshow on your hands.
Otherwise, the position frees up the rest of your body to read, play the video games, check email on your laptop, etc. A position for someone who wants to be a real go-getter in the bathroom.
Overall Rating (4/5)
2. "Sidesaddle":
Didn't offer anything extra in way of comfort, and certainly didn't make the sit-wipe any easier... I suppose the stand-wipe was bit easier because I was closer to the roll, but that's not much of a plus. Penis positioning was horrid, I don't recommend it for those who don't have vaginas.
It does free up the hands for reading, etc. like the "Missionary"
Overall Rating (2/5)
3. "Doggystyle":
A Classic pose in a disgusting bathroom, but can only really be considered a comfotable position if "comfort" is defined as "Not getting Herpes"... otherwise not all that comfortable. Not much fun to be had while pooping "Doggystyle", reading materials, Gameboys, etc. not really that easily used.
However, this position does leave massive room for wiping, whether staying squatting or standing. But it does make Piss/Pooping impossible. If you have to pee, you're going to have to turn around.
Overall Rating (3/5)
4. "Knee Trembler":
For those with some bravado, this is a position that should be used outside of the comforts of home. Pooping from such heights requires some real skill and adventure but the payoff can be terrific. A satisfying "kerplunk" is your reward for a proper bombing... pretty exciting stuff. If you are in a position where you'd rather enjoy making a bit of a mess, this position is for you. Also, mastering this position will help you pull off the "UpperDecker" which is quite the fine prank.
Unfortunately, reading, pissing, etc. is next to impossible given the direction you are facing and the concentration required. Wiping is quite easy though.
Overall Rating (Home Turf) (2/5)
Overall Rating (Away Grounds) (4/5)
5. "Reverse Cowgirl" or "Reverse Amazon":
An absolutely fabulous position. All the advantages of the "Missionary" with the added benefits of more room for the penis, no danger or pissing under the lid, less chance of splash back (due to the bowl shape being more shallow where the poop drops in this position), oh and the fact that you now have a frikkin shelf in front of you.
This position was awesome for using my laptop as a pooped, or for reading, because I could use the upperdecker tank as a shelf and this freed up my hands for greater comfort.
I could also sit-wipe while still reading and there was plenty of room without having to lean as much when in the "Missionary". Standing wipe was still great as always. I was quite suprised at the success of this position.
The only downsides I could see would be being fat, or worried about a sneak attack from behind. I suppose sitting this way may look silly to others as you are facing the wall like you're being punished... but hey, fuck what other people think.
Overall Rating (5/5)
Options are pretty limited but here goes:
1. Riding "Missionary" - this is not akin to the sexual position, but I will define the "Missionary" position in terms of pooping to sitting on the toilet, back against the upperdecker tank, feet on the floor pointing straight away from the toilet... Essentially, sitting on the toilet as you would sitting in a dining chair.
2. Riding "Sidesaddle" - this sitting with both legs on the same side of the toiliet. 90 Degrees right or left of the "Missionary" position.
3. "Doggystyle" - When situations warrant no contact with the toilet seat and one is forced to hover over the pooper, this is the "Doggystyle" position. Essentially, one is pooping in a dog style squat raised from the "Missionary" position.
4. "Knee Trembler" - Taking the "Doggystyle" position one further, this is a full out poop drop from a standing position. Called the "Knee Trembler" due to physical stamina required for a long term dookey session. Could also be referred to as "Little Boy" or "Fat Man" in reference to the two Atomic bombs dropped in WWII because of the near certainty or a catastrophic shit stain outcome.
5. Riding "Reverse Cowgirl" or "Reverse Amazon" - this is sitting reverse "Missionary" facing the upperdecker tank.
When left to my own devices throughout the week as my wife was out of town, I experimented with all these pooping positions. My results were simply astonishing. I went through each poop position performing both a standing wipe and a sitting wipe, here are my reviews of each position:
1. "Missionary":
A classic pose, good over all comfort. I found wiping while sitting annoying, but the good ole stand wipe was just fine. Sit-Wiping required a lot of shifting, and required me to roll the paper around my hand in order to not have paper touch the dookey water while wiping. I prefer folding a long section of paper over, then wiping running the paper up the ass... clearly a stand-wipe only move.
However, the comfort while sitting was excellent, although sometimes penis positioning (especially if performing a piss and poop)can be suspect. If sitting too far up on the toiliet, its possible to piss in between the lid and the bowl, getting the floor full of urine in the process. Then you've got a real junkshow on your hands.
Otherwise, the position frees up the rest of your body to read, play the video games, check email on your laptop, etc. A position for someone who wants to be a real go-getter in the bathroom.
Overall Rating (4/5)
2. "Sidesaddle":
Didn't offer anything extra in way of comfort, and certainly didn't make the sit-wipe any easier... I suppose the stand-wipe was bit easier because I was closer to the roll, but that's not much of a plus. Penis positioning was horrid, I don't recommend it for those who don't have vaginas.
It does free up the hands for reading, etc. like the "Missionary"
Overall Rating (2/5)
3. "Doggystyle":
A Classic pose in a disgusting bathroom, but can only really be considered a comfotable position if "comfort" is defined as "Not getting Herpes"... otherwise not all that comfortable. Not much fun to be had while pooping "Doggystyle", reading materials, Gameboys, etc. not really that easily used.
However, this position does leave massive room for wiping, whether staying squatting or standing. But it does make Piss/Pooping impossible. If you have to pee, you're going to have to turn around.
Overall Rating (3/5)
4. "Knee Trembler":
For those with some bravado, this is a position that should be used outside of the comforts of home. Pooping from such heights requires some real skill and adventure but the payoff can be terrific. A satisfying "kerplunk" is your reward for a proper bombing... pretty exciting stuff. If you are in a position where you'd rather enjoy making a bit of a mess, this position is for you. Also, mastering this position will help you pull off the "UpperDecker" which is quite the fine prank.
Unfortunately, reading, pissing, etc. is next to impossible given the direction you are facing and the concentration required. Wiping is quite easy though.
Overall Rating (Home Turf) (2/5)
Overall Rating (Away Grounds) (4/5)
5. "Reverse Cowgirl" or "Reverse Amazon":
An absolutely fabulous position. All the advantages of the "Missionary" with the added benefits of more room for the penis, no danger or pissing under the lid, less chance of splash back (due to the bowl shape being more shallow where the poop drops in this position), oh and the fact that you now have a frikkin shelf in front of you.
This position was awesome for using my laptop as a pooped, or for reading, because I could use the upperdecker tank as a shelf and this freed up my hands for greater comfort.
I could also sit-wipe while still reading and there was plenty of room without having to lean as much when in the "Missionary". Standing wipe was still great as always. I was quite suprised at the success of this position.
The only downsides I could see would be being fat, or worried about a sneak attack from behind. I suppose sitting this way may look silly to others as you are facing the wall like you're being punished... but hey, fuck what other people think.
Overall Rating (5/5)
- Staff
- #77
This is simply excellent, life-changing research. Fuck all this pratting-around with rats in order to find a cure for cancer or whatever, never gonna happen. Get more guys doing research like this. I just tried the "Reverse Cowgirl", and, well, yeehaw. This is now my preferred position.EatonTJ said:
If you're not on the next Nobel Prize shortlist Eaton... I'll lose my faith in humanity.
That reverse is simply brilliant, especially with the many added activities that can be mixed with it due to the shelf.
However, I have one reservation, if you happen to miss the pan or any leaks will no doubt hit the deck therefore leading to major slip problems etc, whilst the other way round the chances are more remote as to slipping behind the pan without anyone noticing.
FD
However, I have one reservation, if you happen to miss the pan or any leaks will no doubt hit the deck therefore leading to major slip problems etc, whilst the other way round the chances are more remote as to slipping behind the pan without anyone noticing.
FD
Dominic
Serie A
- 19 August 2003
The 'Reverse' stance will open a new era of 'pooping'. What a revelation!
- Staff
- #80
Dominic
Serie A
- 19 August 2003
After some extensive testing on the "Reverse Cowgirl", while still brilliant I found one small disadvantage to that stance; You have to completely remove your pants..
After some uncomfortable moments at first, I found it to be very effective though. The relaxation of the arms and room for penis was immensely usefull.
I'm thinking i'll test the 'Knee trembler' at an acquaintance's house. Nothing like leaving a friendly bonus behind.
After some uncomfortable moments at first, I found it to be very effective though. The relaxation of the arms and room for penis was immensely usefull.
I'm thinking i'll test the 'Knee trembler' at an acquaintance's house. Nothing like leaving a friendly bonus behind.
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Milanista
Mangiamoli!
Best to try that in school Don, its always nice to give back to your educational community.
Dominic
Serie A
- 19 August 2003
Hahaha, good idea. It'd be my very first shit at school though.
bradley1886
Premiership
- 6 August 2004
Don Domenico said:
i can't even crap in friends houses(or their toilets :mrgreen: ). i have to wait until i get home....all the time. even if it means clenching for a few days.
N
ninjabreakz
Guest
I wipe mine with sticks from the garden because I am a gypsie.
- Thread starter
- #86
EatonTJ
Why Today Doesn't Suck.
- 11 April 2002
Don Domenico said:
Yes, when the wife was out of town, I was mostly walking around sans pants... so that really wasn't a problem.
However, for those who don't mind being buck wild naked from the waist down, the Reverse Cowgirl is THE pooping position for you.
RuneEdge
Silent Assassin
- 1 October 2003
- Manchester United
How many of you have done a really huge one and when it was time for the wipe, you thought "screw this, I'm not going in that deep." and then just walked out?
JayM
International
... ... ... :| ... ... ...
:lol:
:lol:
bradley1886
Premiership
- 6 August 2004
RuneEdge said:
hahahahahaha
lmfao (seriously hate all this net chat
)