Shollym PESerbia
12 years of the patch
30 golden PES rules
1. A player who wins the game must always accept challenge if the defeated wants to play another match. To play just one game is what only cowards do.
2. If players win one game each, the deciding third match should be played.
3. It is forbidden to use mobile phone during a PES game.
4. The only exception to rule number 3 is if the person who's calling is player's girlfriend. In that case he can receive a call and tell her "I'm playing PES". If the girl doesn't understand what that means, there is no point of continuing relationship with her, and the player should break up immediatelly (even if that doesn't happen during a PES game).
5. The player who abandones a match in the middle of the game, must not play PES anymore that day, unless there was an agreement between the players before the match started.
5.1. If that person was controlling the team that was losing at the moment, he loses his right to play PES until his friends decide he has learned his lesson.
5.2. If a player is humilliated (losing by 3 or more goals) and starts to mess around with our beloved game (dribles with goalkeeper, scores own goals...) he than receives the status of "asshole" and must not play PES until his ex friends forgive him.
5.3. If a player is losing by 3 or more goals and turns off the the computer or console he goes to the "biggest asshole in the world" category and can be offended, beaten and loses his right to play PES for a long time.
6. If a player is going 1 on 1 with the keeper, the opponent has every right to tackle him from behind, even if that earns him a red card and a title of unsporting player or a "pussy".
6.1. Besides that, a "pussy" can be pinched, beaten and swore at, but only by a person on who he committed the foul.
6.2. The level of "pussyness" is bigger if the game is tied or dramatic (1 goal of diffenece between two teams).
6.3. If the game is tied or dramatic, and is in the last 5 minutes, and a foul like that is made, the one who committed the foul receives the title of "the biggest pussy in the world" and it may happen that he loses his friends.
7. The referee in PES is the one who decides:
7.1. If the penalty is righteous or made up.
7.2. Samo goes for obvious penalties not given, nonexistent fouls, dubious offsides and situations when a player is pushed from behind and shoots the ball 10 meters high over the goal and the referee says "play on".
8. During the high tension games it is forbidden to watch a replay of a freekick that goes wide, or a corner or any other kind of replay, except for two situations:
8.1. Player hits the post, or the bar.
8.2. There is an agreement between two players to watch the replays.
9. If the winner had more passes, shots on goal and ball possession, then he "kicked opponent's ass" and the loser must bow before him.
10. If a player scores a goal after dribling the goalkeeper, or as we say "sends him to buy some groceries", then he can watch replay as many times as he wants - he earned that privilege.
11. If a player scores from freekick he also has right to watch replay as many times as he wants.
12. If friends gather to play PES in the evening before going out, and they end up playing PES until 6 AM, it means it was a successful night.
13. If there is a multitap, all players who have a joypad must play.
13.1. In a situation like that, 1 vs. 1 games are allowed only if the rest of the group agrees.
14. Rotation system "the winner stays" must be agreed before the first game.
14.1. If there is a rotation system, rules must be established before the first game.
14.2. In case of "the winner stays" rotation, the player who is winning plays until he decides the opposite. The winner should have in mind that if he plays more than 10 games in a row, his friends might start hating him, and it's better to let the others play, than losing your friends (although this depends from person to person).
15. If there is a fight during a PES game, the players can "go to hands" but only if they first leave joypads on a safe place where they won't get damaged or even worse broken.
15.1. Joypad must not be thrown away in a moment of rage, unless the one who is throwing it is his owner.
16. Before the game starts, the players have all the time in the world to change tactics, make substitutions and other meaningless changes like choosing the captain, corner and freekick takers...
17. During the game the substitutions must be only those that are really necessary - replacing the injured player or the worst player on the pitch who is ruining the team. Change of formation is only allowed if one of the players is losing by 3 or more goals.
18. Guys who always play with the strongest teams are "chickens". The joy of PES is to play a match with random teams.
19. Fights in PES don't represent anything in the real life, and they last only until the last game.
20. If your best / star player has a down arrow before the game - then fuck it. To depend on one player is characteristic of a small PES player.
21. Which transfers are done is the decision of the player who hosts the game. If new teams are made, all changes must be announced before the game.
21.1. The visiting player must not put transferred players into his team, unless house lord allows him to do that by selling him players for real money.
21.2. Increasing some player's stats without telling it to the others is a characteristic of a "douche bag".
22. Classic Teams are only to be chosen against other Classic Teams.
23. Decision about whether penalties will be played if the games ends tied is a matter of agreement between two players.
24. Only faggots shoot penalties down in the center of the goal.
25. To master freekicks skill is what separates a "real player" from ordinary PES lovers.
25.1. Practicing freekicks in Training mode is a sign of addiction.
26. The one who walks in front of the screen during a PES game doesn't understand the importance of this game and shouldn't play PES until he gets it.
27. Yelling "gooooaaaal" even when the ball doesn't cross the gal line, and also yelling "offside" in the moment when the opponent receives the ball (it often happens that he was onside) is a sign that some serious shit will happen...
28. To have an original dvd of PES means someone is a fanatic.
29. The player must always announce pressing the Pause / Start button one action or one possession of the ball earlier.
29.1. To pause a game during the opponents counter attack is what only a "cunt" would do and then he deserves to be beaten.
29.2. Pressing pause button while oppnent is filling the shot bar or cross bar can do only someone who is "the biggest fucking cunt in the world" and he shouldn't even have friends at all, not to mention his PES friends. Beating the hell out of him is not questionable.
30. A woman who plays PES is an ideal woman. A woman who doesn't play PES, but lies and says she plays just to look good in her partner's eyes is a lying bitch and he should beat her right away and break up with her.
Translated from spanish and modified by Shollym
Credits also go to people in Facebook group "30 reglas para jugar al winning eleven"
Printable version in Serbian: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=NHA0L2GI
Printable version in English: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=6T3GA1SU
Thanks to Zlaja87 for these 2 pdf files.
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