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Real Life Homosexuals...

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by EatonTJ, 15 November 2006.

  1. EatonTJ

    EatonTJ Why Today Doesn't Suck. Staff

    11 April 2002
    I just moved to Dallas, Texas (USA) a few weeks ago to an area near Whiterock Lake. In this area there are a lot of parks, and I have been taking my two year old labrador retriever to all the different parks trying to find the best place to go. Last week I took the dog to Norbuck park where there are a lot of cross-country competitions, and I could take the dog through the woods on a run and she wouldn't have to be on her leash.

    Unfortunately, it was ill fated from the start. After only a few feet into the woods, my dog found a used condom which of course she immediately scooped into her mouth and started running around with, forcing me to give chase. Being the human, I won the battle succeeding with around the 100th "DROP IT!"... and then we continued our run as I thought how gross it was to find a used condom in the woods.

    About a minute later my dog found something more gross when she suddenly bolted around the corner down one of the trails. I chased again, yelling upon deaf ears for her to stop, only to find she had indeed stopped to forcfully greet some homeless looking fellow dropping a deuce in the middle of the woods. This created the very odd situation of ME apologizing for my dog's "misbehavior" to some dude who has just turned the outside world into his personal toilet.

    Now officially grossed out, I proclaimed the dog-walk FINISHED, and we headed back the way we came. I mistakenly thought my digusting journey was nearly over when we passed the used condom at the edge of the woods a second time, but then once again my dog bolted down the wrong path. This time, no chase was needed as I immediately saw what she was running toward. Off to my right were two more half-naked men that ("like a white girl in a horror movie") she just had to investigate.

    But neither of these men had turned the woods into toilet... no these men had turned the woods into their own little love nest. With neither man apparently being able to quit each other, half-naked-man-#1 was going absolutely bananas all over half-naked-man-#2's derriere.

    Now up to that point in my life, I had never thought I had had a sheltered upbringing... but seeing two dudes going at it in the middle of the woods makes you question just what you are prepared to see. You see, when one typically comes across unwanted gay pornography typically one can quickly change the channel, or quickly close the internet browser window... But here, there was no escape, no way to divert my eyes. There wasn't even a cheesy porno soundtrack to mask the manly moans or the sounds of the male/male humpery (the thrusting, flesh on flesh bumbing, etc.)... nope, it was just me staring at two dudes going at it in the woods.

    Needless to say, I ran away... and for those who may be worried about my dog, she also ran away. But the point is, gay sex is pretty gross.


    p.s. I was also stung by a wasp after seeing the homeless shitting man. Worst. Walk. Ever.

    Here is a picture of my dog as a puppy:
     

    Attached Files:

  2. gomito#10

    gomito#10 World Cup Winner

    9 May 2003
    DC, USA
    did you ever think that homosexuals might think you having sex with a woman is gross as well..... anyways i agree that must have been tought to see, live... nice doggie, maybe you should keep her on a leash or next time you might run into two fat people banging
     
  3. Chris Davies

    Chris Davies At least, I think I am Staff

    14 May 2003
    Tranmere Rovers
    HAHAAA, I love Evo-Web. Thoroughly entertaining Eaton; don't know whether that will be of any comfort to you though.

    See, this is why I'd never have a dog. :D

    I think the worst walk I ever had was when I was about ten. I'd completely forgotten about this walk until, for the girlfriend's entertainment, my mum dug up my old schoolwork. One particular piece brought it all back (I don't quite know how I'd forgotten about it - although it's not exactly traumatic).

    We had to go and see this church, and then write a report on 'it' (not the architecture of the church, not the people who work there, all we got told was "write a report on 'it' children").

    As if it wasn't bad enough having to "study" various church bits and pieces and listen to a balding vicar talk about how we should really go to church more often than just baptisms and weddings, on the way out, a bird perched on the tree outside of the church decided it was time for a crap, on my head. I had no idea why I was laughed at all of the way back to school, nor why when I had an itchy head my fingers came back white (at the time I thought it was brains and considered it more "cool" than a worry), but I found out when we got back to school and my headmaster patted me on the head. On the way home I tripped over a dog and cracked my head open. And then I cried all week, apparently.

    At least I had something to write about. And considering we were kids and we went to see a vicar, it could have been a lot worse.
     
    Last edited: 15 November 2006
  4. how can homos think this when their mom had sex with someone and gave birth to those nasty beings and reason they are alive because is the man/women sex. very stupid excuse imo
     
  5. Chris Davies

    Chris Davies At least, I think I am Staff

    14 May 2003
    Tranmere Rovers
    Ouch. I think it's time you and Elton John joined...

    [​IMG]

    You can be the beaver, to signify your mother's. Elton wants to be the lamb with the red bow in her hair.
     
  6. gomito#10

    gomito#10 World Cup Winner

    9 May 2003
    DC, USA
    christ what man woman gave birth to you!!!! My god your an evil human.
     
  7. PLF

    PLF Legend

    2 August 2004
    What a filthy dog you have Eaton causing you and herself all those nasty gross problems. :lol: :mrgreen:

    Nah.. but in all seriousness man.

    I'm sorry to hear you had to go through all that $hit.

    I got one word for your whole story:

    EEEEeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

    :puke: :puke: :puke:

    p.s. I guess you should now change your custom user title to "Why this day DOES suck!" :lol:
     
  8. Mart

    Mart Executive Janitor Staff

    28 February 2002
    NYC
    Darlington FC
    Reign in the homophobia there fella and the fact that you honestly think gay people are freaked out by straight sex. I mean they might be if you burst into their home and get down to it in front of the telly while they're trying to watch Neighbours but to be honest I think most people would.
     
  9. Dermot

    Dermot Banned

    13 August 2002
    New York
    Arsenal
    No homophobia here from me but I chased 2 gay people out of my house once with the suction part of a vacuum cleaner, pretty much in the same vein of this story. I lived in an apartment with my older brother at the time and I had gone to bed around 11pm so i could be up around 7am for work the next morning. He staggered home around 3am with a group of friends and they stayed up most of the night partying. To be honest i slept through most of it in my room. Anyways my alarm went off at 7am, I got up, opened up my bedroom door and headed for the shower. The sight I witnessed next as I passed the living room is something that has eternally permanently etched itself into the most horrifying memory chamber in the atrium of my brain. A closeup of 2 gays on MY couch, one black guy, ripped, shaped, toned like an NFL football player pounding the arse off this scrawny pasty ass white guy. All you could hear was the black guy going "oh yeah, take it baby, just like that", the white guy groaning like he was being slowly murdered with a penknife and the smack of flesh with each thrust of man meat into the depths of his cakehole. (Turns out my brother had fell asleep drunk downstairs in his bedroom with some girl and these 2 guys were left upstairs where I was partying on their own). I couldn't believe what i was seeing, it was too much for 7am on a Tuesday morning heading for work. The vacuum cleaner was the first thing I saw to hit them with. I let a roar out of me that would deafen the angels in heaven and it put the fear of God in them. They didn't see me coming one bit. They had no idea I was even there to begin with, they thought it was just my brothers house. The black guy had a bit of sense and just grabbed his clothes and made for the door, the white guy had the nerve to start questioning me and trying to slowly gather his clothes and belongings. I was in no mood for sitting down to have an inquisitive high level intellectual conversation and grabbed his clothes for him then threw them out onto the street. He was still in there when I came back in with a look of horror on his face, I started roaring at him again and he said "ok ok I'm leaving" (still completely naked, his clothes lying on the street). He made for the door kind of but at the last minute he tried to steal a cushion that was by the door to cover himself with, it was then that I whacked him on the leg with the butt of the vacuum handle. It was quite the funny scene actually. Away he went into the morning fog, naked, a big red mark across his leg and his arsehole probably red and bleeding like he's been raped by a bull elephant.
     
    Last edited: 16 November 2006
  10. Joystick

    Joystick Deep like Titanic

    10 August 2004
    London
    The Arse
    :lmao:
     
  11. you are not freaked out by homosexual activity then, thats strange [-X
     
  12. Trance_Allstar

    Trance_Allstar I love lamp

    18 March 2006
    Sweden
    Perhaps not so much a thread about homophobia as a thread about the grossness of seeing someone taking something up the ass? Or would everyone have been fine if it had been a heterosexual couple doing the naughty? :)


    BTW, adorable dog there. I don't have a dog myself, but I am dogwatch on occassion.
     
    Last edited: 17 November 2006
  13. EatonTJ

    EatonTJ Why Today Doesn't Suck. Staff

    11 April 2002
    Ah yes, this was my point. No I really don't care if people are gay or not. There are plenty of other reasons I don't like people regardless of whether or not they are gay.

    However, assfucking in the middle of a public park is unacceptable. AND just because I don't care if people are gay, I do find it repulsive to see man on mam bearback riding. As Csaunders mentioned, I would probably also be just as repulsed to see two fat people intercoursing as well. Although I still think I'd put seeing one man take it up the ass at the top of the disgusting sights ladder, seeing fat people do it isn't that far below.

    I found the entire thing shockingly inappropriate. Never have I thought to myself that a good idea would be to go tap some chicks ass in the middle of a public park... it's just inappropriate. Now, if I'd come across to hot lesbians working each other over instead of the gay banging then, no, I would not have been disgusted... but I still would have thought it was inappropriate.
     
  14. foxtrot

    foxtrot Shoe bomber

    24 December 2002
    Glasgow, Scotland
    Rangers FC
    Is it not punishable by execution to be gay in Texas?
     
  15. Slobber

    Slobber boycotting PES

    3 August 2003
    Merseyside, England
    Liverpool FC
    I have nothing against the arse bandits, but comparing gays humping each others asses, to a normal natural hetrosexual act is nonsense.

    Call me a homophobe all you want, but it is not the same. It is not natural, and if gays were supposed to be going at it, then gays would be able to get each other pregnant, like normal people do!
     
  16. codpiece

    codpiece Romanista

    12 December 2002
    Houston
    ^^^^^says the man who has two chicks in his avatar. haha
     
  17. Slobber

    Slobber boycotting PES

    3 August 2003
    Merseyside, England
    Liverpool FC
    It's not natural, but it's damn good to look at.
     
  18. EatonTJ

    EatonTJ Why Today Doesn't Suck. Staff

    11 April 2002

    No, feel safe on your next visit through Texas.
     
  19. Mart

    Mart Executive Janitor Staff

    28 February 2002
    NYC
    Darlington FC
    No it's just not being ignorant.

    Just to clarify I'm not trying to condone the outside forest lovin', that's out of order.
     
  20. Trance_Allstar

    Trance_Allstar I love lamp

    18 March 2006
    Sweden

    I understand your point. People shouldn't have it out in a public place at all, period. And yeah, certain things do make you more uncomfortable than others, whether you accept homosexuality, or find it unnatural, or just don't give a damn.
     
  21. SPiTFiRE

    SPiTFiRE Eus├ębio forever

    6 April 2004
    SL Benfica
    That was really shocking ETJ... :lol:
     
  22. Dermot

    Dermot Banned

    13 August 2002
    New York
    Arsenal
    You mean everybody? Gays and straight? Boning a chick outside was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life, i think it's perfectly fine for a guy to 69 a girl amongst the leaves, its been done that way for centuries.
     
  23. Trance_Allstar

    Trance_Allstar I love lamp

    18 March 2006
    Sweden

    Well, I know what you mean hehe, but for the sake of not offending anyone, the only solution is doing it in private. Just as there are many who might be offended by gay sex there might be just as many offended by anyone performing sexual relations in the open wild. :)

    Obviously it also depends on where exactly you are doing it and if certain amount of discretion is taken. As for the example in this thread, a public park where anyone (children included) can walk in on you might not be the best thing. But it all depends on many factors I guess. As long as you try to take measures to avoid detection I suppose it's fine (it's not like you are dealing drugs or hurting anyone in particular).
     
  24. crayon

    crayon Yamato Gaijin

    23 October 2004
    Hokkaido Japan
    Liverpool FC
    I guess it must be the thrill of knowing that you "may" be caught out.....
     
  25. Stringer Bell

    Stringer Bell Banned

    12 February 2005
    London
    evo-web and CWright presents...

    Brokeback Mountain 2
     
  26. Nick Cave

    Nick Cave Wrexham fan for my sins...

    10 July 2004
    Non football league waste land...
    Wrexham AFC
    I love Evo Web.... it's never dull... humpin n'dumpin in the woods.....homophobia......exhibitionism oh' and football games too.
    On the woods n' sex thing I think it's fine if you do it well away from paths etc. I go mountain biking in some woods near by and nearly hit someone dumping behind a tree once, I bet I scared it right out of them!! :D
     
  27. foxtrot

    foxtrot Shoe bomber

    24 December 2002
    Glasgow, Scotland
    Rangers FC
    I will, thanks. Yee-haw!
     
  28. Dermot

    Dermot Banned

    13 August 2002
    New York
    Arsenal
    Me and a friend caught a guy boning a sheep once in this field, we threw stones at him and drove him away. He was 16 at the time and now he is married with 2 kids.
     
  29. Dar

    Dar Fullonrapist Staff

    21 February 2003
    Dublin
    Wouldn't that have made it a goat? 8)
     
  30. jaygrim

    jaygrim TheAllSeeingEye

    26 July 2005
    Everywhere.
    Man Utd
    I once had a bloke wanking himself off next to me in some public bogs in Wales. He had quite a big one.
     

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